Written by Dory
So at the age of 18 I found myself my first proper boyfriend! Obviously I thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, and only a year into the relationship I wanted to start a family, and so did he. I was the happiest I’d ever been and couldn’t imagine life without him! I was in Love, or so I thought back then, and only a few months later I got my wish, at the age of 19 I was pregnant and although it was what I wanted I was absolutely shitting myself!
All of my life up until then I’d loved babysitting and taking care of kids, I knew I would have children one day and always said I ideally wanted to have one boy and then a girl (so she had a big brother to stick up for her!) So at that moment in my life it was a dream come true, although the hardest part was going to be telling everyone! I knew we were young but it all felt so right, however once we shared the news with some people they told us we were both too young and hadn’t been together long enough, also they didn’t think my boyfriend would be a great dad (he was a bit of a chav! Haha!) Anyway it was my dream come true so there was no way I was going to get rid of my baby, no matter what anyone said!
So 9 months later my gorgeous little boy made an appearance, 2 weeks early! Yes it was the scariest thing ever, especially that moment just before, when it suddenly hits you and you realise you’re going to have to push this baby out of your fanny!! There was me shouting “I don’t wanna do it anymore” but it was a little too late for that!! I think I had actually imagined it worse in my head though so when it came to it I didn’t think it was that bad, although gets a bit annoying when you’re a shy person anyway and you have your mum, boyfriend, midwife and a student in the room (of course there’s always a student!!) I mean in the end you feel like ‘the more the merrier!’ And you’re also trying not to scream, taking in the gas and air while your mum is taking pictures of your vagina when it’s being stretched to within an inch of it’s life, and has a baby’s head hanging out of it! Yes all of those photos are in a DO NOT OPEN folder!! But ask anyone with kids and they’ll tell you, this is the most amazing experience in the whole world and everyone should be able to experience it. All the pain and tiredness, the months of feeling and looking like an elephant, it’s all worth it for the tiny little angel you’ve just given birth to. Maybe all mums feel like this but I thought he was the cutest baby I had ever seen! From that moment on he was the love my life and I would do anything for him!
Having him so young did put pressure on my relationship with my boyfriend in the end though and about a year later I think he had realised that now we had this family, this was his life, and I think he felt trapped! We started arguing all the time and I even found out that he’d cheated on me, although I took him back lots of times (the mug that I was) because I believed a child should have a mum and dad that were together and happy. However no matter how much you want something it will never work if it’s all just one sided, and in the end there were only so many lies and arguments I could take! I also realised that this was not what I wanted for my baby. yeah of course I wanted him to have a mum and dad, but not ones that were arguing all the time, so I took the big decision to break up and become a single mum.
This was probably the best decision of my life now, and It was also the hardest because even after all of that I did still love my boyfriend, but it wasn’t enough and bringing up a child alone is bloody hard. Luckily I had lots of help from grandparents on both sides, and his dad was occasionally involved when there weren’t any girls interested in him! Doing this made mine and my sons bond even stronger, because no matter what we would go through we always had each other! However following on from all of this took a toll on my anxiety big time! I had hit rock bottom and was on tablets, and I couldn’t see any way of my life getting better, and the only thing that kept me from doing silly things was that little boy. He didn’t have a clue what was going on in my head but he knew I needed him the most I ever had. With the help of him and my best friend I went from the lowest I’d been in my life to the happiest, then 8 months ago I fell in love with my best friend, and not love like in my last relationship, it was so much more. We were soulmates, and the biggest shock to me was that she was a girl! This was another hurdle we had to overcome, ‘coming out’ (but that’s a whole other blog post! https://2birds1lovelol.com/2017/01/30/love-is-love❤💜💛💙💚our-coming-out-story/) Anyway 8 months down the line and all three of us are the happiest little family ever, we all live together and are very settled! I’ve been through such a lot, and even though this little boy is only 3, he sure knows how to help me get through things. All he has to do is smile and everything gets a little bit better! He is a very clever boy and has a real knack of saying the right thing at the right time, and has even made the quote from Power Rangers “Never Give Up” our new family motto! I couldn’t be prouder of him, I know whatever he does in life he will always make me proud, and I have absolutely no regrets.
“When I look at you, I can feel it. I look at you and I’m home!” ~ Finding Nemo
2 Birds 1 Love xxx