Written by Dory
Anxiety! Nobody really understands unless you’ve been through it yourself! If you haven’t then you don’t realise how much it controls your life, and how much you have to fight it. It’s not something that’s going to go away, it’s always with you, always with ME, but it’s also about how much you actually let it take over.
I realised I had anxiety when I started worrying about going anywhere that didn’t have a toilet, in case I needed to go! This stopped me going on any long car journeys and it stopped me doing the things I enjoyed, i.e. football and my driving lessons. Yes, I basically let it take over my whole life. It definitely was the worst part of my life, and I’d hit rock bottom. Nearly everyone I knew would say “stop being silly, just get on with it” they clearly didn’t understand. I thought no one understood! That is until my best friend, who’s now my girlfriend (Nemo) could see there was something wrong and decided to find out ways to help me, and to get me to believe in myself. In fact this is how we came to get together, me going through this brought us closer, every cloud and all that!
Breaking point for me was when I had a panic attack at the cinema, due to me worrying about needing the toilet halfway through (sounds so stupid I know! but that’s what anxiety is, it’s completely irrational!) Luckily for me She was there to hold my hand, and I think her seeing me like that, so upset, made her want to help me. and she did. She would come round to see me all the time, and it didn’t matter to her that I couldn’t bring myself to go out. She would send me inspirational quotes daily, and cards with the most thoughtful words she’d written, on the really bad days. She showed me ways to cope with my anxiety, ways which I thought were stupid but they actually worked!
It had started affecting my sleeping as I just couldn’t relax or stop worrying, so she brought me round an extra fluffy blanket and a feel good reading book (the shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella….laugh out loud!) and told me that before bed I had to put down my phone (which I’m on a LOT!!!!) and read the book until I get tired, and then use the blanket to try to drift off to sleep by focusing on the texture and what it felt like to touch. Honestly, never before did I think something like this would work, but it did!!! Apparently its something to do with bringing you back down to earth, focusing on what’s real instead of irrational worries and fears that seem to escalate in the head.
She made me realise that I needed extra help, and I eventually plucked up the courage to visit my GP (this took a lot) So I went, and I did get help, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Everyone needs help now and again, and mine just happened to be in the form of medication.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that my little Love Bird helped me through it all, and she got me to believe in myself. So if ever you feel like nothing’s going to change, and this is what it’s going to be like for the rest of your life, then all you have to do is find that little bit of faith and please believe in yourself! Take each day as it comes. Every day you get through is another day you have won!
7 Months later and my life couldn’t be better! I took myself off the tablets as I didn’t feel I needed them anymore, and no, not because I don’t get anxiety anymore because I do, but because I’ve learned to cope that little bit more, and I’m not going to let it beat me! Yesterday was the first time since my panic attack that I managed to step back into the cinema. It wasn’t easy and I could have quite easily not gone in, and let it win (again!) but I believed in myself, and ended up having the best time. The best feeling in the world is knowing I was strong enough to push myself, and it was 100% worth it. I know from here on it will get that little bit easier each day. And don’t get me wrong, I know there will still be the odd days where anxiety will try to get the better of me, but for every one of them bad days there will be 100 good ones!
Going through all of this has made me want to help and show people you can get through it, and anything is possible if you just believe! So if you want any help or tips or just someone to talk to, we are here and we understand!
“If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain” ~ Dolly Parton
Keep Believing! Much Love!
2 Birds 1 Love xxx